The beautiful ones:
1) Sarah Jessica Parker in Chanel
Many fashion magazines have categorized this dress as a little on the fashion mayhem verge because of its unusual, straight cut and the rose detail. I find it absolutely stunning. It is very difficult for someone to look good in a dress like this because the large flowing material does not advantage all body types. But Sarah Jessica Parker can definitely pull it due to her petite frame. I love the satin, the pale golden-beige color, the suspended neck band instead of jewelry, the gray choice for the rose bouquet detail, the hair and the earrings. The cherry on the cake- the bangles. Absolutely unexpected jewelry choice that i think is astonishing. I'm going to keep this picture in my computer forever and ever in the hopes that one day some clever seamstress will manage to recreate this for me....oh the love! the splendor!
2) Kate Winslet in Yves Saint Laurent
I'm crazy about the squared angles of the corset and the necklace. The rectangular shape of the stone, the delicate thread of gold (or whatever that is) and the simplicity of the entire piece makes it just gorgeous. I love Kate's radiantly fresh complexion and the Lauren Bacall-esque hair gives her the '50's diva look. Love the lipstick as well, balances out the nude color of the dress. I'm not particularly crazy about the lower part of the gown, it could have been less delimited at the waist and look less like a long skirt, but the color choice downplays absolutely all the potential misfits. Love the elegant purse, not too big, not too tacky and small, but i would have really adored this ensemble if the dress didn't have the obvious front cut. And it's not that i dislike the shoes, but this kind of dress gives the impression it would really be striking if it covered everything and floated on the red carpet...
3) Elizabeth Banks in Versace
Elegant, delicate, a floating foam of a dress. The color in itself is not particularly beautiful, nor is the chest detail, but the baby blue-gray compliments EBanks' pale rosy skintone and gives the impression of a porcelain doll strolling down the red carpet. Love the hairstyle and jewelry choice, simple and extremely tasteful. 5 stars.
4) Amanda Seyfried in Armani
The former Mean Girl has indeed changed in terms of displaying an utter lack of even the tiniest drop of self-tanner. This celestial, almost bridal gown would look ridiculous on someone with Lindsay Lohan's orange-ness, for that matter. I love how the color of the dress compliments her pale complexion and the classiness of the hair do. I don't like the hippie handicraft bangle though, but this dress can definitely back up ANYTHING.
5) Helen Mirren in Badgley Mischka
I listed Helen because she is one of the most beautiful mature actresses in Hollywood and definitely the classiest. I am not crazy about the cut of the dress because the covered shoulders and the squared cleavage reek of grandma-ness, and it definitely doesn't suit Helen. But i absolutely adore her platinum blonde silver-ish hair and the sophisticated yet simple do. I like the large necklace as well, as i like the color of the dress and the large sparkles embedded in the fabric. Give a terribly youthful lift from the cookie-baking grandma cleavage design. Helen's makeup is impeccable, as usual, and her skin is positively glowing. A-amazing.
6) Vera Farmiga in Marchesa
Beautiful electric color that pops out in a youthful jazzy kind of way; the cut is absolutely fantastic and bold without spilling over the entire Lady Gaga scary monstrosity and the lipstick choice is definitely five stars- it doesn't look too much at all but it compliments Vera's pale complexion. I'm not crazy about the hair but with this kind of dress, playing low it's the best option. Thumbs up, class all the way. Loves it.
7) Diane Kruger in Chanel
I somehow love this dress. It looks like a giant slice of cake with loads and loads or cream and liquorish frosting but i really like it. It's again the Chanel signature pattern, making an astonishing gown in two colors only (neutrals this time, even lovelier) with a catchy and special design. I like the ribbon details on the back and the long satiny strings coming down to her hips. It has a theoretically simple design, being nothing more than a halter cocktail dress, but the ruffled pattern from the waist down is tasteful yet en vogue at the same time. A very eclectic design with gorgeous colors that perfectly suit Diane's skintone...and i also love her hair, simple and clean. The clutch is black and not cream, giving the entire outfit another point for minimalism. Diane looks like a beautiful Cinderella whose dreams are about to come true because Chanel spotted her while standing on the corner near the Beverly Center, selling newspapers, grabbed her delicious frame, put her in this gown and set her afloat on the red carpet. I think not everybody can pull up this look because you need that je ne sais quoi, that personality your dress will borrow, either attitude or grace, and Diane is undoubtedly a graceful presence.
The bad and the ugly:
1) Mariah Carey in Valentino
Okay someone must let Mimi know she's not at the 1994 Chattanooga High prom dance. The dress is first of all very similar to Gabourey Sidibe's. Then that color is NOT for the red carpet but for a '60's soviet flight attendant's uniform if you ask me. The horrendous 'jewelry' looks like something Madonna wore in the '80's 'Desperately Seeking Susan'. And the entire cut is just wrong, the lower front part is way too short and disrupts the entire appearance of a dress i'd otherwise dub as 'not a total eye sore'. It looks as if the seamstress didn't take the correct measurements and 5 minutes before the Oscars ceremony realized the front part is too short so decided to pin it up with her highschool beret broach. Eew.
2) Gabourey Sidibe in Marchesa
Say what??? ok i get it, nobody's gonna talk about the pink elephant in the room so i might as well be the first one. I am amazed that Perez Hilton thinks Gabourey looks 'amazing' in this..thing, and other fashion magazines dubbed the actress as 'stunningly looking'. First of all, the color choice is completely uninspired, more or less like Mariah Carey's. It doesn't go well with Gabourey's skintone, bringing out ashy undertones in her complexion. Secondly, the cut of the dress is definitely NOT suited for overweight-ness. I'm sorry if i can't be cosmetically-correct and refer to miss Sidibe as to 'a delicate feather' because she just isn't. Her body structure is extremely heavy and this dress choice doesn't advantage her at all. The fabric seems to have been washed over a thousand times because that color looks so tired, washed off and just irritatingly sad. Gabourey would have looked a thousand times better in something more appropriate for her body type and a nicer, livelier color. Her hair is also a disaster- Gabourey is a mature woman on a special night on the red carpet, not a 13 year-old on her pediatrician's visit. The bundled up fringe and the swept back unwashed hair just don't do her justice, making her face appear even rounder.
3) Miley Cyrus in Jenny Packham
It appears that nobody noticed Miley left the house wearing only the lower part of a nightgown and a bustier. The horrendous detail of the bustier, namely that puffy fluffy easter bunny lining of the cups is COMPLETELY inappropriate for Miley's age, not to mention tacky and cheap looking. It's like someone from her entourage ripped the fabric off an old prom dress and squeezed Miley in. Tisk tisk tisk. Definite no-no. I also hate the unwashed mohican hair do. Miley Cyrus has definitely grown up...in the wrong way this time.
4) Cameron Diaz in Oascar de la Renta
I have a love-hate relationship with this dress and with Cameron's overall appearance. While hating the lack of jewelry and the red lipstick on the paleness of her face, i like some of the details embroidered on the dress, the bold glitzy golden choice for the sewn details and the draped bottom of the dress.....i like the hair as well. It finally looks like Cameron has met the shampoo bottle. Howeverrrr...i don't like the fact that the overall impression this dress gives at a first glance is that it's been made from an old Studio 54 curtain and the pieces were sewn together 14 minutes before the ceremony. I mean it has no shape (simple is not always classy, Cameron!), no interesting detail and the color is just too floppy. This kind of dress should have been accessorized with some jewelry...or at least a more sophisticated hair do, like a majestic bun or something, you understand what i mean. Then another thing- i always get the feeling that Cameron Diaz looks well only in dresses that mirror extremes- either a surf-inspired chiffon pattern with a pashmina as a belt and fluorescent plastic bangles or long black chiffon gowns styled with pearls. She just has too much attitude to sport such a Cinderella gown and it really comes through, one can tell Cameron is somewhere in there, stuffed inside a glittery dress with some extensions on her head. It's just not her. And the makeup is boring (pale face and red lipstick looks good on pale-skinned people most of the times...), no blush, no nothing, just a neutral washed off tan. Uhm. I really don't like it. I've seen her glow in much prettier outfits (even jeans an a cotton tank top would work better than this dress, though it's a nice piece).
5) Demi Moore in Versace
Oh Demi. This is not an Oscars gown. You look too thin to even sport bare shoulders first of all. Your makeup is nonexistent (or looks like it, at least), your face and hair look like you just came back home after a long day of spinning, jogging and playing volleyball on the beach....or from the gym, your pick. This is a salsa club dress you wear when you go out with your friends to shake things up a little and dance your ruffled chiffon off. This is NOT glamor, it screams Cancun's Coco Bongo too much. A positive aspect is that the cognac of the dress blends in perfectly with the unhealthy fake tan. It looks like the ruffles on your legs are your real skin wrinkling and shriveling and falling off your eternally youthful body. So you could probably get in the DVD exercise industry much easier with this dress...if you want to. Seriously.
6) Rachel McAdams in Elie Saab
Imagine Neytiri from Avatar got on planet Earth. This is what she would look like if suffering from a skin infection and wearing someone's old kitchen curtains as a dress. I really don't understand how could Elie Saab create this kind of disaster and how could someone wear it.
7) Elisabetta Canalis in God knows what
Elisabetta is in a desperate need for three things to look at least decent: a shampoo bottle, a hair brush and A BRA, FOR GOD'S SAKE!! she might also want to consider a TV guide subscription so she'd learn that Baywatch is no longer on air for quite a long time so that extremely tasteful tattoo would look much better under twelve layers of industrial strength concealer. Oh and the dress- i don't like the color, the cleavage is way too low and i'm sure the entire ensemble will successfully help her blend in perfectly with the chair paddings.
8) Penelope Cruz in Donna Karan
In 1980's Eastern Europe the epitome of interior design sophistication was considered to be having thick burgundy drapes on your windows. It is no longer the case of course, but Penelope looks like she's wearing one of the discarded pieces. The iron curtain has fallen quite a while ago, bb. Move on.
9) Jennifer Lopez in Armani
I think J.Lo went to her Wal-Mart from the block, got herself some bubble wrap and decided to wear it by twisting it around herself and making a nice ribbon on the left side. It didn't work out because the wrap curled and flattened out so J.Lo was left with some fluffy waves. Sigh. The earrings scream 'secretary at the company's Christmas party' and what's with the hair? is she getting bald or did she chop it off? good luck next time, J.Lo. I'm a big fan of hers but this time it's a one step for J.Lo, a giant leap for the fug.
10) Nicole Richie in Reem Acra
Uhm. I don't mean to be mean (hehe...) but Nicole totally looks like a malnourished kid whom Madonna has grabbed and wrapped in the first warm thing she could get, namely an old psychedelic wannabe-classy blanket with golden threads her grandma knitted once upon a time. Nicole's tiny little frame looks way bundled up for the LA weather forecast of the past three hundred years and the looseness of the dress doesn't help either. It's like a Woodstock songstress was teleported in Beverly Hills after someone washed her hair and reminded her to pose nicely and not flash the middle finger for the Vietnam or John Lennon cause...you get my point. I really don't like the color choice, Nicole's complexion would have glowed in a stronger and more youthful color, and the fabric looks too thick at the most superficial look. Like a combo between a fashionable Eskimo and one of Charlie Manson's ex lovers. Brrr. And for pete's sake, Nicole, eat a burger!
11) Virginia Madsen in something
Okay honey we need to talk. It's highly probable the night before the ceremony you fell asleep on your couch watching North and South and somehow in your sleep, you managed to communicate your desires and inspiration to your assistant who ran to the closest bridal shop (in the middle of the night, of course), broke the window, picked up the first gown, came back running, threw it in the washing machine together with some black dye and in the morning you had a new, all wrinkled black bridal gown ready to bewilder the red carpet. No no no, honey. It doesn't work like that. The upper part of the dress DOES look like a late '80's bride's blackened gown, and the lower part is a total disaster, like a southern belle's puffy skirt with lace applications...or a Louisiana mansion curtain set? I can't decide.
...and what's with the bangs? and the powdered makeup? and the pale burgundish-pink lipstick? and THE BELT? holy crap, i almost forgot about that.
seriously Vinny. sack the stylist. you're a beautiful woman with a gorgeous body and amazing hair and everything and you pull up that Paula Abdul-in-the-cartoon-music-video look...i'm disappointed. completely.
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